CL round 3: what we really learned

These seem to crop up everywhere after each round, and usually they’re either saying the same thing or saying something worthless. (Or both.)

So here’s my take on the four most important things we learned.


1. The EPL sucks.

Really, the best way to judge the strength of a league is on the performance of several teams in a single game. That’s especially true when it’s the CL, because worthy teams never stumble in it.

Manchester United won narrowly. Arsenal, City, and Chelsea all lost. Ha. See? Worthless.

Liverpool and Newcastle both won in Europa and Tottenham got a draw against some Slovenian team,* but since the English don’t care about Europa, I don’t see why we should.

(No offense meant to NK Maribor. Congratulations on topping your group so far, and best of luck in your Europa run.)

2. It turns out that fullbacks are kind of useful.

That’s all, really. Madrid lost without fullbacks, and Barcelona’s LB scored their winning goal. Those are the two most important teams in the entire competition because even at this early stage, it’s obvious that one of them or maybe Bayern will win the CL. (Probably not Bayern, though, because the final will take place in an odd year, and Bayern tend to like to alternate their appearances in the final to occur only in even years.)

So, clearly, fullbacks are forces to be reckoned with.

Or maybe it’s just that Barcelona have a hyperactive killer squirrel as a LB. That could be it, too.

3. The Dortmund/Madrid game didn’t matter.

That seems to be the consensus, right? Good for Dortmund, but after all, Madrid are basically guaranteed to win the second game, because they’ll be home, and Madrid are unbeatable at home, especially under Mourinho.

Just ask Barcelona, Valencia, Málaga, Sporting Gijon, and Real Zaragoza.

I mean, it’s all very nice that Dortmund did so well in the big boy’s sandbox, but it’s time to pat those silly little German champions who thought that they could compete with the EPL and La Liga champions and send them on their way. The Bundesliga is just deeply inferior to the EPL and La Liga. Everyone knows that.

Just ask Bayern. They haven’t even managed to win either final they’ve been in in the last four years! How pathetic is that? It’s shades of Manchester United, and we all know how poor a team they’ve been this century. Except they’re English, so they’re still better. Could Bayern do it against Stoke on a rainy Thursday? I think not!

Dortmund might as well have just not played Madrid, because they have no chance of topping their group because Madrid are just dominant this year.

Just ask Barcelona, Valencia, Getafe, and Sevilla.

4. The Bundesliga should continue to be ignored in favor of the EPL, Barcelona, and Real Madrid.

Sure, Bayern, Dortmund, and Schalke all won in the CL. But Bayern were playing against a small team and as we’ve already established, Dortmund winning doesn’t matter, anyway. And after all, Germany only have three teams in the CL, while the EPL and La Liga have four. What does that tell you?

I mean, they do have 4 in Europa, and yeah, Hannover, Leverkusen, and Monchengladbach all won in Europa, where Stuttgart got a draw. But, again, nobody cares about Europa except Germany, Spain, and Portugal. Because they’re all crazy. It’s not like Europa matters.

Next up: why Europa matters.


3 responses to “CL round 3: what we really learned

  1. Jeez Sidonie that was harsh against the other teams. Bayern and Dortmund are no pushovers, as a close follower of La Liga you should remember who Madrid lost to last season in the CL.

    • There’s a reason this was tagged under sarcasm. 😉

      I actually love the Bundesliga – last season as soon as the draws were made I pegged Bayern to move on over Madrid, and I’ve also predicted that Dortmund will top the group. IMO the Bundesliga is horribly underrated – people don’t realize how close it is to overtaking England in the rankings to become the second best league according to UEFA. A solid year this year for Germany and a poor year for England could do it.

      • looks like you made a good call, English teams look pretty shabby this season comparatively but they did last year and look what happened. Hoping Chelsea can pull it again this year but of course I know you would much rather not see that happen lol.

        Nevertheless lovely blog and I thoroughly enjoy it.

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